2. A heartfelt apology.
You won’t make much headway without this one. If your partner hasn’t offered a profoundly genuine apology, you still need one. Ask for it. If she’s blaming you or the marriage for the affair, she isn’t taking responsibility and you’re not feeling her remorse.
3. An open book.
Your cheating partner has now forfeited his rights to his pre-affair privacy. To acknowledge that, he needs to commit to what I call the “kitchen table policy.” That is, everything must now be available for your perusal, including cell phones, tablets and computers. If he won’t tell you his passwords, your suspicions won’t abate. You need access — whether you take advantage of it or not.