Relationship breakdown. Depressed young man holding hand on head and looking away while woman sitting behind him on the couch

9 Non-Negotiables You’ll Need to Forgive an Affair

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“How am I going to get over this?” “When am I going to feel better?”

These are typical questions I’ll hear in therapy from clients trying to recover from a partner’s affair. Perhaps like you, these clients want to be assured that in six months or a year they’re going to be rid of this tremendous pain.

There’s no magic bullet when it comes to healing from an affair. And there’s no guarantee you’ll be able to. Some marriages become stronger after a betrayal but affair work is nothing short of brutal. Any couple who’s successfully done it will tell you that. If you’re considering giving forgiveness a shot, here are the must-haves for your post-affair toolkit:

1. A sincere promise the other relationship is over.

Goes without saying. If you’ve discovered an ongoing affair, you need to be sure your partner is willing to completely call it quits with the other person — and that includes no communication or friendship. Otherwise, why would you consider forgiveness? There’s no chance at healing if he resists ending the other relationship.

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