What is your primary love language? What makes you feel most loved by your spouse? What do you desire above all else?
If the answer to those questions does not leap to your mind immediately, perhaps it will help to look at the negative use of love languages. What does your spouse do or say — or fail to do or say — that hurts you deeply?
Ignoring our partner’s love languages is like ignoring the needs of a garden: If we don’t weed, water or fertilize, it will die a slow death.
1. Trying to figure out your primary love language
When you’re trying to figure out your primary love language, it helps to look back over your marriage and ask, “What have I most often requested of my spouse?” Whatever you have most requested is probably in keeping with your primary love language. Those requests have probably been interpreted by your spouse as nagging — but in fact, they have been your efforts to secure emotional love from your spouse.